After my friend’s (Kwaku) ordeal with a pastor, it has changed my perception about going to church. Anytime I see people rushing to church on Sundays, it makes me laugh my heart out. I know it’s weird, but must church activities be advertised? Must church activities be forced down the throats of the would-be-congregations?
Now churches are springing up on daily basis in Ghana. Every available space i.e. cinemas and football playing fields are/has been turned to a church premise. I know very soon, just very soon, nightclubs will be evaded by these pastors. It’s just a matter of time.
Sadly, but the growing number of churches in Ghana can partly be blamed for the dying nature of cinema life in Ghana, as most of the cinema halls have been converted to church auditoriums.
Some few years back when one can count the number of churches in Ghana, there were lots of cinemas around and these places were highly patronized on daily basis if not on special occasions like holidays.
I don’t know about other countries but here in Ghana, there is always a new church at every 200 metres [maybe 100 metres]. Do you know that people are now using their compounds to start a church? Ouch!.
One graduate from pastoral college, directly, the person gathers his friends and begins a church at his compound to the detriment of the people living around.
Also, the church services have been taken to the schools in the country. The brave and suspicious pastors turn their attention to the cemetery to preach and disturb the dead. Church service at the cemetery is beyond my understanding.
Is it really their fault? It has come to the notice of everyone that perhaps the easiest way to make fast money in Ghana contrary to what people think is not being an armed robber but a pastor. Being an armed robber brings you to some dangers, but become a pastor and you will be smiling all the way to the bank. Since the population of women in Ghana is still very huge, you know you will definitely be successful.
It’s simple! I reckon all one has to do is to start a church and force this statement down the throats of your doubters ‘I have been called by God to do his works’. A mere ‘flash’ by God is misinterpreted as a call by Him to preach his gospel. Maybe, God dialed the wrong number and cut it off upon realizing it. Yet, the missed call is a calling to the desperate wannabe pastor. Why do I get the impression that you are laughing on this one? Funny, isn’t it?
Make no mistake, if you are an eloquent person who can talk in front of people, it means you can have a successful career in preaching. If you doubt it then perhaps you don’t listen or watch television in Ghana.
What does it take to be a pastor in Ghana? Surely, it doesn’t take any special attribute; anybody can be a pastor in this part of the world. What it takes in my opinion is to firstly claim to be ‘called by God’ as they say and not be a shy person.
Talking about the supposed men of God on the streets, I dare not forget about their extreme noise making on radio and television. Now it looks like shouting has now become the norm for these pastors. Last time, a friend asked if shouting by these pastors makes the congregation grab the message quickly. I can’t understand it myself, probably; they think we have hearing problems.
These days, pastors don’t preach about the gospel, they rather talk about money. All the messages are centred on or about prosperity rather than salvation. I’m not religious but I’m a God fearing person. I don’t think one needs to be forced to the church room, besides no one forces someone to eat when hungry.
The tag ‘pastor’ has now become a money making title. Kwaku, a class mate whom I have lost contact with for years after school resurfaces after many years of staying in the UK. He happens to be one of the many Ghanaians deported from the UK recently.
Kwaku failed to return to Ghana after the expiration of his visa. He went into hiding until his sudden arrest and deportation. His once bright future has suddenly been knocked to the ground. He has lost everything he owned.
Things were not moving on well for Kwaku, hence his aunty introduced him to a pastor. Sorry but as ‘dumb’ as he is, he thought the best person to solve his problems is a pastor.
These days people are so ignorant in Ghana that, even a common ‘headache’, ‘stomach ache’, ‘body pains’ are believed to be spiritual and that the best person to solve these problems is the pastor.
No wonder in Ghana no body dies in his or her own time, every death is attributed to something. Someone dies because this person or that person doesn’t like him and wants him dead.
After telling the pastor his problems and the purpose of his visit, which is to seek help [whatever help, he didn’t tell me]. The pastor prayed with him, after which the pastor said God has revealed to him who is behind his problems. Kwaku was surprised when the pastor mentioned his mother in-law as the cause of his problems.
“Which mother-in-law”? kwaku asked. “Your wife’s mother I mean”, the pastor answered back. A lot of things ran through Kwaku’s mind since he wasn’t married. He has no girlfriend yet, not to talk about a fiancé. So what gibberish is the man of God talking about?
According to him, he managed to gather some courage and told the pastor that he wasn’t married yet, not even has he met the woman of his dreams. The pastor then started vigorous praying again, after which he came out with another revelation. This time, he told Kwaku that, the problem is now from the car he drives to work.
Kwaku became more shocked and surprised. This is a man who has not driven a car before. So he was taken aback by this new development and turn of events. At this juncture, it dawned on him that, the pastor doesn’t know what he was talking about.
He wondered if it was a mistaken identity. But the self-styled pastor told him, he knew exactly what he was saying. He does this with annoying confidence.
It didn’t take long for Kwaku to tell him that, he has not driven any car before. He doesn’t own any car. At this moment, it has become obvious to the pastor that, all his guesses were wrong. It was glaring; he didn’t do his work home well like other pastors do.
Most pastors employ the services of people to have a background check of their victims. This time, it appears he didn’t employ the services of such a person to do any background check for him.
The man of God started praying again. The prayer was intensified. The impression he gave was that, he was in the spirit and speaking some gibberish – I guess he was speaking in tongues. Whatever he was saying didn’t make any sense to Kwaku’s ears but he had to sit and endure it.
After about 10 minutes of praying, he went into his consulting room and returned with a piece of paper which, he handed to Kwaku. Guess what was written on the paper. What was written on the paper spin my mind a bit. A car number ‘GC 1407 A’ was boldly written on the piece of paper.
After handing over the paper to him, he continued praying. In Kwaku’s bid to find out exactly what to do with the paper, he shoved him off and asked him not to interrupt his prayers and that he’s in the spirit.
You can imagine the look on Kwaku’s face. Earlier, Kwaku had told me, he has heard lots of stories about Ghanaian pastors back in the UK but he never dreamt of coming so close to any of them if not for his aunty.
Kwaku had the rudest shock of his life when the man of God told him that “… don’t sit in a vehicle with this registering number GC 1407 A”. I couldn’t stop laughing. This infuriated Kwaku to leave the pastor’s office.
As he made his way out of the office, Kwaku stopped and looked at the people in the queue to meet with the pastor. He smiled and left. Only God knows what was in his mind. As Kwaku told me this, I only managed to laugh intermittently.
But on a more serious note, what would have happened if indeed Kwaku was married? Would he have gone to beat the hell out of the mother-in-law? Would he have divorced his wife to avoid his mother-in-law?
What of if he was working – would he have stopped working or stop driving the company’s vehicle?
Now we have decided to stop going to church. Can we begrudge for that? God help us!
Have you had any encounter with a fake pastor before? Share it with us please!
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